How’s this for putting things into perspective

Final Score:

Fox news: -2

Obama Admin: 0

Jon Stewart: 823

Hippos

When you think about hippos you think fat, slow, and dumb. Well, I am not entirely interested in discussing hippos or the best thing about them (how they shit), but what I do wanna talk about is hypocrites.

I think its hilarious watching all these conservatives, right wingers, republicans, libertarians, hicks, whatever you want to call them, screaming and ranting about the deficit and spending in congress. This is their biggest issue, controlling spending. Stimulus package!! NOO! Health Care, “Well, I oppose it because I’m worried about the deficit.” The government needs to get spending under control. What i say to this, “are you fucking crazy?” George Bush, who most of these psychos supported, put our country in more debt than ever. And what did he spend the money on? Halliburton and various other companies that his administration had interests in. They were paid to fight a war that should have been fought by the Military. Tax payer dollars were given to these private corporations and we outsourced our pride and dignity so that some CEO’s could make a ton of money and we could kill a bunch of Iraqi civilians.

With the money that we spend in Iraq or on Halliburton we could have given the entire country Health Care and a College education for the next 100 years. Instead we paid a bunch of rich white dudes to kill a bunch of Muslims. So yes, I’m pissed. This entire bullshit war was one big stimulus package to the largest corporations in the country. There was no reason to do this, other than to take tax payer money and spend it so ugly white dudes could pay for high paid hookers and jerk off on 100 dollar bills.

The most ridiculous part about this whole morally depraved clusterfuck is that it was politically backed by the poorest most rural members of our society who believed in their heart that their country was protecting freedom and the country. These are the same people who adamantly oppose that the government provide health care that they can afford.

EXCESSIVE GOVERNMENT SPENDING ON US, NO!!! EXCESSIVE GOVERNMENT SPENDING ON RICH WHITE DUDES, YES!!!

Is this really what this country is about? How have the conservatives framed this debate so that it makes sense to spend tax payer money on paying private countries to destroy and rebuild a country and potentially reap the benefits financially and vacation in the Virgin Islands– but providing cash so that normal Americans can have access to health care is a waste of money? I’m confused. If anyone can explain this paradox to me. Please. Because I simply don’t understand.

Size matters

According to this article in today’s Slate, incumbent candidate Joe Corzine [D] in New Jersey’s gubernatorial race has turned voters against his competitor Chris Christie* by focusing their attention on the Republican candidate’s weight problem.

This might be controversial and I might soon regret posting this but here goes. The article got me to thinking about body weight discrimination and whether or not we can put it in the same class as racism or homophobia. It’s a valid question. There’s pretty good evidence to suggest that sizeism is just as if not more prevalent than racial profiling. Overall, fat people earn less money, are less likely to stay in school, get married, or receive preventative screenings for cancers largely unrelated to excess weight. Furthermore, there’s a compelling argument from those who claim that the mental stress of being fat exacerbates other health problems associated with obesity.

My conclusion? Whatever fat-activists say, I still won’t lump weight discrimination with other stigmas. Despite the validity of a lot of the arguments, look at the other side. It’s not like racial or religious discrimination or homophobia. In my mind, these prejudces have no legitimate basis in reality. Skin color or sexuality in and of themselves have no impact on a person’s ability in any line of work. For example, if you have two accountants who are equivalent in every way excepting that one is gay and the other straight, the gay accountant’s sexual preference will in no way affect his ability to file a tax report. Not so with obesity.

Imagine you’re an employer with two equally qualified job candidates, one obese (BMI** of 26 or above) and the other with a normal height/weight ratio (BMI between 18-24). The obese guy suffers from sleep apnea, meaning he is more than likely to be tired or even snoozing on the job. He costs more to insure and takes more sick days than his/her healthy weighted counterpart. And even though they’re intellectual equals, Skinny Minnie can move quicker and get places faster than Fatty Matty. And, like I said before, there are studies upon studies that confirm the general population’s anti-fat sentiment. As awful as it is, someone has to say it; which of the two candidates is more likely to make a comfortable social transition into his new work environment? If we consider that both applicants are total equals and that their personalities are thus equally awesome/sucky, odds are that Average Joe is going to have an easier time working with the team than Big Mike.

In a debate on Friday, our friend Chris Christie, the obese New Jersey gubernatorial candidate said, “In case you haven’t noticed, I’m slightly overweight. Apparently this has become a great case for discussion in the state. I don’t know what that has to do with being the governor of New Jersey.” Based on the stance I just took, I’m going to go ahead and argue that Christie’s weight has a lot to do with his capacity to run the state. Think about it: You’re the Governor of one of the United States of America. I would venture a guess that your schedule, to put it lightly, is a little hectic. Now throw in an excess of about 150 pounds to the mix, and I’m betting that on a purely physical level, it’s gonna up your stress level. And maybe I’m crazy but in that line of work, I’d say that extra stress is going to be the just about last thing you’re going to want to worry about.

NOTE: As with all opinion pieces, let me know if you agree with me or, more importantly, if you think I’m totally out of line. I’m open to all ideas and my stance is always up for revision.

* Stupid name? Yeah, I think so too.

** Body mass index. I know this isn’t a perfect way to judge obesity but its the most objective frame of reference I could come up with. Let me know if you think of something better.

I love health care, Yes, I do, I love health care, how bout YOU

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

In case you missed it… Obama’s big health care speech. I haven’t formed an opinion yet but I’m curious as to yours.

*Note: Michelle Obama’s hair/makeup/arms = correct.

** Note: Joe Wilson yelling “you lie” was, in a word, um, inappropriate.

Horrible Parents make Horrible People

You know what… Life is really fucked up… Filled with fun and games but also birth and death… Two things that can really bring you and the rest of the world down. Although birth is usually a little more uplifting then death, lots of births are tarnished by the knowledge that the parents of this small human are too fucked up to take care of themselves, much less take care of a baby.

Being a parent is one of the hardest jobs in the world. It takes patience, practice, calculated decisions, and a fuck load of time. Children are incredibly needy and annoying and it takes a superstar to be able to put up with them day in and day out without resorting to some-sort of physical or verbal abuse. Most people just cant take it. And so they either just bounce, or they start freaking out and abusing the kid in some manner. Hence why so many people spend so much time and money sitting in a chair talking to a stranger about their problems. It sucks.

So many people are cheated out of the proper childhood and thus the rest of their lives are marred by the various horrible experiences that happened when they were young and their parents were blowing crack hits in their face.

My plan to save us all the trouble of dealing with these crazy neglected humans is to try to cut down on them. And no, I’m not proposing genocide. What I’m proposing is that people be required to obtain a license before they give birth. They should have to be able to prove that they are stable enough to have a kid and take care of it without being neglectful.– that they are stable enough to not verbally or physically abuse the child if it’s crying. Basically, just a little short test to determine them capable of having baby. I’m not saying it should be the fucking LSATS. Just a small examination so that we cut down on the number of single mothers or babies that come from fucked up broken situations, because that never turns out well for the kids or, frankly, society.

This may sound crazy to you, but China requires you to have a license to give birth. And you’re only allowed one baby per couple. Now, I’m a little ashamed to say that we should look to the Chinese for advice. Maybe that’s proof right there that this idea is fucked. But I dont think so. I think what’s fucked is people who’s entire lives are stolen from them because they are obsessed with something horrible that happened to them when they were children. Crack heads, meth heads, and Mormons should not be having children, end of story.

Come on Barack Obeeazy, lets see what you got.

Advice For My Favorite Evil Dictator

Dear Ahmadinejad,

So, I realize you’re trying to portray yourself as a true Representative of the Irani people. May I offer some advice?

Maybe you should stop tear gassing and beating those who are mourning the deaths of Moussavi supporters. your juuuust giving away your true identity as a raging evil dictator….soo, since you’re not fooling anyone anymore please stand down. everyone hates you

Love,

Weenie

Quick Note: Weenie

I have yet another delicious addition to the team to announce. The ever delightful Ms. Weenie will take charge as one of my brilliant political consultants. Since I’ve known her, Weenie has held an interest in government and political logistics. As a result, she’s had job experience with a highly influential lobbying body, and presently works for a Republican senator. 

Because my readership is probably largely comprised of leftist undergraduates or recent graduates, I imagine that they’ll be wondering why I invited Weenie aboard. Here’s my answer: Just because she and I don’t always see eye-to-eye, it doesn’t change the fact that  she’s smart, talented, and extremely well-informed. Furthermore, the fact that she’s agreed to write for me represents an opportunity to highlight a side of current events that young liberals might otherwise discount. 

In short, I’m not asking you to agree with her (actually, I’m pretty sure even she’s not asking you to agree with her), but I am asking you to listen to her. She has a unique and carefully considered point of view that, at the very least,  deserves a moment of your attention. 

If that subdued and demure request* doesn’t convince you though, why don’t you try these qualifications on for size: 

• Weenie excels at partying. Excels.
• Despite the fact that she’s tiny, she eats pizza/red meat/peanut m&ms in positively herculean quantities. I’ve seen her pound a 5lb bag of m&ms to her face over the course of two days, finish a hamburger bigger than her head in one sitting**,  and polish off an entire 18″ pizza pie, crusts included, no sweat, ready for more.
• Once she had a reaction to some antibiotics and developed a rash on her stomach. She named it. The rash, that is. She named her rash.

All in all, I’m pretty sure that she’s one of the most absurdly hilarious people on earth, and I’m lucky to have her along for the ride. 

*If I do say so myself…

**I want to give you guys some context on this one. She was out to lunch with two grown men, one a middle-aged professor of sizable build, and the other a NCAA Division I ice hockey player. They all ordered the same meal– the hamburger. Neither the professor nor the hockey player could stomach more than half of theirs. Weenie finished the whole thing. She’s unreal.

Obama and Israel

I am having an internal conflict….mostly its internal because all my friends are raging liberals and i fear being stoned to death by verbalizing my true feelings regarding Obama and his politics with Israel. But today my friends, my heart was filled with the courage of a lion…a big lion…maybe a lioness….whichever one is more ferocious….ok, moving on.

Anyways, I’m a moderate republican. Im fiscally conservative because i love money, and im socially liberal, because i love freedom and partying and the freedom to party. But I did not vote for obama, and this is why i have not shared my real name with this blog. Not voting for Obama is a social no no amongst the people I surround myself with.

So, my main issue is Israel. I think it is important for the United States to align itself with innovative, productive free states, and Israel is a prime example of that. Even if I cant convince my tree loving friends to support Israel politically, at least I can always point out Israel’s strengths with green technology and social liberalism.

Now, I realize that the Bush administration kinda killed it for us Israel supporters. It seems that anything Bush did, people want Obama to do the opposite – which is a way is a good thing. I’m all for change. The country obviously needs change- and generally speaking I think Obama is doing a good job. Hope is important, and he is instilling that every day with his continual push for growth and prosperity in our nation. I literally have ONE bone to pick with Obama…whats with snubbing Israel?

So the Cairo speech – infamous, and an all around good effort. The muslim world hates us (thanks Dubs) and that needs to change. We are suppose to be an inclusive and accepting country – and that means accepting EVERYONE – I dont really care what religion they are, what they’re political views are, i dont care if they hate me – america is about welcoming people of all cultures and all backgrounds – thats what makes this country great. – but why in Cairo? That speech could have easily been given in a country where its citizens are not under the oppression of dictator. (yes i realize we support this dictator, but i am by no means saying thats right). Pakistan is a perfect example. Thats an official Isalamic State operates as a federal republic and has a legitimate government. He could have easily given the speech there.

But that aside- I think the speech put faith in the Islamic community – mending our ties with Muslims around the world. GOOD. GOOD. I LIIIIKE THIS. but what about Israel?

Obama is being freaking COLD to Israel. Freeze the settlements he says…um….ok, quite frankly Israelis dont care about the settlements, so sure freeze them – but for your information (to those of you who think its trendy to hate on israel) all two state agreements that have EVER been drafted have included those settlements in an Israeli state. Additionally, its like he just hates netanyahu. Obamas middle east policies need to be revamped. This whole Iran thing? yah, hows that going big guy?
and whats with implying that Israel exists as a consequence of guilt following the holocaust? israel exists because of struggle and zionism; nothing has ever, EVER just been given to the jews. So should Obama start handing out love now? I mean, lets not twist his arm, quite frankly Israel is used to being on its own. (although the US has already been a friend to Israel, and was the first to acknowledge it, 11 minutes after it was created, it wasnt until Clinton that Israel gained a strong friendship with the US).

basically, what i’m saying is israel can handle it, but give us a little credit. we’re not bad guys you know. We want peace just as much as anyone else. and we’re willing to compromise and work to get there. but how about a little support? how about a little sympathy? its just trendy all of a sudden to vilianize israel.

anyways those are my thoughts on that. take it or leave it. i dont care .