I’m not normally someone to prescribe to stupid celebrity gossip, but seeing as the latest is about Tiger “Effin” Woods, not some nobo undeservedly famous half-celeb looking to stir up media attention, I’m interested. I’ll start by saying a little about Tiger Woods, the legend.
Eldrick Tont “Tiger” Woods was born on December 30th, 1975, an only son to multinational parents. According to his Wikipedia page, Woods is “one-quarter Chinese, one-quarter Thai, one-quarter African American, one-eighth Native American, and one-eighth Dutch” — how’s that for a mouthful. After a childhood full of media appearances and prodigious youth circuit domination, Woods became a professional in 1996 and later won Sport’s Illustrated’s “Sportsman of the Year Award” as well as the PGA Tour’s “Rookie of the Year Award.” The rest is history — 71 career wins, 14 Major Championships. In 2008 alone, Tiger raked in an estimated $110 million in prize money and endorsements, making him the highest paid professional athlete of that year.
But nobody seems to really care about any of that anymore. Now people want to know why Woods got into an accident outside his house and why his wife took a tee shot to his rear windshield. The rumor mill has since kicked into full gear. There are tabloid stories about an affair with a generically sexy New York dater-of-celebrities, Rachel Uchitel, which some speculate may have set Woods’ much sexier wife, Elin Nordegren, off on a rampage that left his car wrecked and him bloodied and fading in and out of consciousness on a curb outside his home.
Ooooooh intrigue. Sort of. The only reason this is somewhat worth discussing is because Tiger Woods is the last person you’d expect to find caught up in this sort of tabloid frenzy. On the golf course, Tiger has been nothing less than a model specimen of professionalism, concentration, dedication and success. Stories have been written about his rigorous daily workout routine. He’s married to a Swedish model/goddess, the mother of his two children. Any way you look at it, he’s not the kind of person that you would expect to have distracting fidelity issues involving a New York woman who’s apparently been involved with a famous baseball player, a Broadway star, a musician and married TV star David Boreanaz, of Bones fame.
So, I guess this is a big story. But I don’t see why it has to get bigger than it already has gotten. I’m happy to speculate on these different rumors, but in the end, I don’t really want to know, nor do I particularly care. It would be completely mind-boggling if any of this gossip was remotely true. I mean, really, Tiger Woods’ wife is very, extremely hot — much hotter than this supposed star-banging mistress. But, whatever the case, as much as his golf skills, professionalism and general awesomeness at life would lead you to believe otherwise, Tiger Woods is human, and humans make mistakes.
If the continued intrusive media probing is going to do nothing but tarnish Tiger Woods’ image as a golfer, an athlete and a man, then why the hell bother? It would be like reporting that Santa Claus was caught cheating on Mrs. Claus — if it happened, I don’t need to know just for the sake of knowing, it would ruin the magic. In this case I’d much rather let him solve his own personal problems in just that way — personally — and choose to live in ignorance about any potential marital slip ups he may or may not have made.
When I watch Tiger putt for the win on the 18th hole, I want to see him as the golfer and sports icon he always has been, not some schmuck who cheated on his sexy wife, crashed his car and created a media hysteria that was impossible to ignore. Alas, I have a sneaking suspicion that this story is going to get nothing but bigger over the next few days. I’ll try to turn the other way. And if that’s impossible, I’ll forgive him, whatever the circumstances. He’s a golfer, not a saint, we have no reason to judge him for imperfection.
Tiger’s current wife, Elin Nordegren
Supposed homewrecker, Rachel Uchitel
tweedle dee tweedle dom 
