The reason why I haven’t posted in almost a month is not because I have been traveling the world or biking across the country staying at unique bed and breakfasts thoroughly enjoying the peace and quiet of America’s backcountry. No. Since August 17th 2009, I have completely and utterly devoted myself to teaching 3, 4, 5 year olds the art of being a human being. That’s right. I am a teacher’s assistant, and in case you know anyone who is of the same profession as I, please give them a shout out and/or a pat on the back. Welcome to my life…
I arrive at school at 7:45 am sharp, because believe it or not there is much preparation to be made in the classroom. First I dye a pitcher of water with the correct food coloring hue that coincides with the current holiday season (right now I’m mixing yellow and red because we are out of orange for Halloween and Thanksgiving). The water goes into mini pitchers and doll sized tea sets so the children can practice pouring. Most of the water ends up in their mouths or on my clothes, as well as the beads, sequins and mini pumpkins the kids glue to black and orange construction paper I have to cut into happy, appealing shapes every morning. While I’m placing caps back on markers and sweeping spilled seeds and beans with the midget broom, the eyes in the back of my head are watching the potty room for spills of a different kind. Potty spills involve wearing latex gloves and a gag reflex while I scrub poop off a toilet seat of soak up pee out of the sink with a midget sized sponge.
Come lunch time (11:30 am) I am dodging wooden elf chairs and tables where the children sit demanding we open their string cheese or Jell-O cups. I’m an expert at microwaving dino nuggets and sliced hot dog and macaroni and cheese. One morning a boy in my class wanted me to heat up his pheasant sauce and I wanted to refuse because I knew I would be scraping the creamy game-bird sauce off the bottom of a chair sometime later that day.
Nap time is the most crucial part of the day for the kids and the most excruciating for me. I sit in a dark, cold room rubbing backs and scratching heads easing the kids into their hour and a half slumber while I have to head nod keep my eyes open wide with my fingers or else I slump over and fall asleep right along with them, hopefully not on top of them.
We’re all tired at the end of the day while I pack the kids’ Spider Man and Hello Kitty packs with crafts and and coloring sheets. Some children cry out for their moms while others complain of hunger or how Sally hit Nikki and Sally doesn’t like her and doesn’t want to be her friend. As soon as the children leave the classroom I break everything down only to put all back in place the next morning. There is something that keeps bringing be back though, and in my next post I will have to tell you what that is…
tweedle dee tweedle dom 